Secrets of Agents
Topic: agents
This is far and away the most popular question I get, mostly through back channels, as if the subject matter were a narcotic: How do I score an agent? Three other questions I get plenty: 1. Can you, Keith, score me an agent? 2. Do I really need an agent? 3. Aren’t all agents the spawn of Satan? I’ll try to answer these today.

Late last century, when I wrote my first screenplay, an actor friend introduced me to a literary agent at his agency. The guy was the portrait of slick, and anything he said—based on the way he said it, his body language, tone, and eye contact (or lack thereof) made you assume he was lying. If you were at a restaurant and he asked you to pass the salt, you’d think, “This man wants the pepper.” Mr. Slick proved the exception. The seven I subsequently met were bright, highly-educated, well-spoken, enjoyed the chess game that is the bureaucracy and politics of the entertainment, and were good players. Certainly there is a faction in the entertainment business comprised, literally, of gangsters, and Mr. Slick might be the one to represent should you aspire to be doing business there.

Why do you need an agent? Your screenplay will be messengered to thirty producers, your manuscript to upwards of ten editors. And the people will read it, quickly, motivated as much by your agent’s recommendation by the fear that their competitor will beat them to it. Screenplay deals within 24 hours are common. If you can line up dozens of buyers and have them reading your manuscript instantly, then construct elaborate deals, then sell the film rights, then fight your own battles when problems arise, you do not need an agent.

What’s the secret to getting one? Simple: Have something to sell. As it happens, historically, pirates had agents. They'd anchor their booty-laden brigs in Carolina or Florida and the agents would come aboard, take inventory, and say something like, “Okay Captain, I can sell the gold but not the silk—it’s out this year—or the stale breadfruit.” If you have a marketable commodity, you’re in business. Agents who are friends or colleagues of people you already know are easiest to reach. Good places to get noticed: film festivals and websites like atomfilms.com, and magazines and sites like Zoetrope that run short stories. Also there are lists of agents looking for new clients, on the Writers Guild of America website for instance. Finally, if you buy 350 copies of my book, an agent will be calling you.